Today you would be 10. And while 10 years feels like an enormous amount of time, it still feels like yesterday. You were born on a Wednesday afternoon, quicker than I could have imagined. I remember even the seemingly insignificant details of your birth. like any mother, that moment seared into my memory forever.
Much of the rest of your life, the nearly 6 weeks that followed your birth, feels like a blur. There are many moments when I feel desperate to remember, desperate to know you. I mourn the loss of memories. I mourn that there will never be enough photos to remind me of the every day, of the mundane, of your mannerisms and features and all the tiny details that made you, you.
And even though I can’t recount every single detail of those nearly 6 weeks of life, I can look back at the last 10 years and say this:
“…for I have learned (and am learning still) in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13
Your life taught me to how to be thankful to the God who provides the ‘plenty,’ when my souls fills full, in the ‘abundance.’ And your death taught me what it means to trust God in the ‘hunger,’ when my soul fills empty, in the ‘need.’ Your life and death taught me that in Christ, even the impossible — like choosing to live after I lost you or choosing to trust a God who allowed such loss — was possible. Your life and death taught me that real strength often comes as a result of absolute weakness.
10 years of celebrating your life. 10 years of thanking God for you. 10 years of longing to know who you would be. 10 years of learning to trust God in the pain and the fear and the doubt. 10 years of choosing to believe your life was not in vain, that it mattered and matters still. 10 years of learning that a mother never forgets her child. 10 years of learning how to honor God in death and grief. 10 years of understanding that a mother is a mother even when her baby dies.
Aaden, it has been my greatest joy to be your mother and as long as I live, ‘my baby you’ll be.’
Happy birthday baby boy.
BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION GIVEAWAYS
We’re celebrating Aaden’s birthday all month long with the Aaden Sage Birthday Project. If you or someone you know has experienced pregnancy or infant loss, check out the details about this special project here.
And this week we are celebrating with a special giveaway from Le Papier Studio. They have created a special collection of jewelry specifically for women who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, the Always Loved, Never Forgotten Collection. And they are generously giving one of you $100 towards your own Always Loved, Never Forgotten piece. Enter to win below!
a Rafflecopter giveaway