What to do and What to say | 5 ways to love a grieving mother on Mother's Day | Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Loss | www.themorning.com/mothersday19

When it comes to grief, we tend to make it more complicated than it needs to be. She just wants to know she isn’t forgotten. That you love her. That you remember that her heart is hurting.

5 simple ways to love a hurting woman this Mother’s Day

  1. Remind her you see her, you remember her, you care and you have not forgotten. You can do that by:
  2. Tell her about The Joyful Mourning Podcast (and the Mother’s Day mini special episodes this week.)
  3. Tell her about The Joyful Mourning Community (a place where she can meet other women walking this road and will feel less alone.)
  4. Send her this link to 5 letters “Dear Grieving Mama” written by women walking through infertility, miscarriage or infant loss to hurting women on Mother’s Day.
  5. Acknowledge that she is a mother. Even if her ‘mothering’ looks different than yours, it doesn’t make it any less real.

Lastly, just know this day is incredibly hard for her. And she is worth diving into the mess for, even on a day that might be one of sweet celebration for you. Your joy and her pain can co-exist and something beautiful happens when we choose to love even when it’s messy and awkward.

Some of my sweet friends in The Joyful Mourning Community told me what they wish someone would say to them on Mother’s Day. I hope this helps you understand this pain a little better in order that you might love your friend well.

What to Say to a Hurting Woman this Mother’s Day

What would you say to a hurting mama this Mother’s Day? What would you have wanted to hear? What do you want to hear even now as this day approaches?


elizabethbloomquist: Happy Mother’s Day! Your Daughter was so precious and such a blessing. We miss her.

k.a.stryker: To someone who only has an angel baby/ies: You’re still a mom and will always be a mom.
To moms with angle babies and kids on Earth: we hope your babies on Earth spoil you, and your angel baby/ies send you comfort and peace today

shannonhm24: You will always be his (her) mother. And you are loving him/her so well even now.

courtneyfalk: Thinking of you and praying for you today and everyday. 💕

allerz821: I would love to be recognized as a mother, despite my lack of earthly children. My babies are all in heaven. So when someone calls me a mother it is so nice to hear.

thissideofif: For mamas who don’t have babies on earth: You ARE a mother. Yes, you count, and you deserve to be recognized. I see you.
For mamas with babies in heaven and on earth: Happy Mother’s Day, Mama. I know there are a lot of “what if’s” and “should be’s” today. I pray that today God would bless you mightily through the children in your arms and that He would comfort you as you remember your children who are in His 💕

brooke.m.schmidt: That I AM a mother…

mrs.brenna.travis: In midst of this season, I simply need reminder that I am loved and thought of no matter the gesture. As deeply as it stings they cannot be here with us, I want to be affirmed in the peace that our babies are with Jesus. That there is still hope. That His plan, as painful as it is now, has purpose. That His promises remain. That He comforts me each day. That I’m not alone. I am a mom, babies by my side or in Heaven. I am loved.

v.gaskill: My first (and so far, only) pregnancy is my angel. I would want someone to tell me they understand Mother’s Day is a constant barrage of reminders that I don’t have my daughter here with me, but I am a great mom because I love my little girl so much. 💗

katieapowell: Mother’s Day was the single worst day of the year last year for me. It fell about 3 weeks after I delivered our stillborn daughter. Although we had a son already, I felt like I had lost part of what made me a mother in losing my child. It took months and months for me to feel like myself again. My advice is to be easy on yourself and do what’s best for you to get through the Mother’s Day events. I spent the day with my husband, not even with my son, because that’s who/where I felt “safest” with at the time. 💕 Love to all grieving mothers this Mother’s Day.

marymargaret_powitz: This Mother’s Day our church is doing their baby dedication, which they do every year. I would love to hear, “We wish she was here too. We miss her too. You’re doing a great job dedicating her to the Lord already.” Part of me wishes I could take part even still. Also, “I know today is painful. We love you.

my_pyrex_pretties: As a grieving mother myself, I would say to new grieving mothers, that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay if all you do each day is survive. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. And your feelings are valid. The pain will never go away, nor should it. You just learn to live with it as best you can. ❤️

mrscompton13: Happy Mother’s Day. You are a great mother. I also liked getting the Mother’s Day gifts from church- flowers or cards. I just want to be recognized like other mothers even when you can’t see my baby. She existed. I am a mother to her in a different way then other mothers.

hgcady: God sees every tear. He knows every pang of grief; even when no one else does. His love for us is so great that He gave His Son to die for us. No matter how alone we feel in our heartache, He knows exactly how it feels to lose a child. We can rest in the knowledge that He has given us every resource to be comforted, and strengthened in Him. He never leaves us, nor forsakes us. ❤️

mack_powell: Mother’s Day is yours. Your baby’s life is significant. They are so loved, and even if we only had them with us physically for a brief time, the mark they left on our lives mattered. Their life matters, and it is to be celebrated and grieved whatever else you need to express this Mother’s day, and any other day of the year for that matter. Tell me about your baby.

sarahglinski: Just some acknowledgement. Like hey I see you, I know you’re struggling and I’m with you today. It’s so simple. Doesn’t need to be overthought 💜

magnoliaperdue: Give yourself grace! Avoid doing things that will make your day even harder than what it already is. For me, it was going to church that Sunday and avoiding all social media. Plan a day that gives you grace to just say “No, I am not going to put myself through that today,” and be okay with it. Set boundaries and keep busy with an activity that brings you happiness and helps you through the muck, bc that’s what the day can certainly feel like.

mollybrinkmann: I can’t imagine how painful today might be for you but I hope you know you are celebrated today as a mother who is strong and loved and brave and more worthy of that title than most. Your children, both living and in heaven are lucky to be yours.

sauls_light: Hold on ❤️

hadleighfields: I would love to hear someone say that they miss him, that they wish they could have gotten to see who he would have looked like and if he would have been like his brothers. I think all women need to know their child loves them back, for being his or her mother, for bearing the burden of sorrow and for being brave to give them a chance at this Earthly life. That this Mother’s Day, her child is loving her very much in the way he or she can from the other side of the veil. I know I will be looking for the little ways God and my son will be reaching out to affirm to me that our family is eternal. ❤️

ebenson27: As someone without living children, a simple “Happy Mother’s Day” would be amazing. Just to be acknowledged as a mother when you sometimes don’t feel like one. I also think hearing “I’m thinking of you today,” goes such a long ways.

penney_farms_princess: It’s the hardest day of the year for me. I just want to hide.

mixedgaman:  It’s my first mother’s day since my second miscarriage and I’m feeling really scared.

_imworthit_: you’re still a mom, never forget that. May that day bring you love and comfort. We’re in this together. You got this mama ❤️

hanzsp89: You are loved, you are supported, and you are a mother. Take time to heal and know that you are not alone 💕

tracielinn: Sometimes you don’t need anything to be said, just a shoulder to cry on that understands your grief helped me. People need to stop being so afraid to acknowledge a mother OR father’s pain of losing a child.

mhmalyssa: This is my first Mother’s Day I will be grieving, I just want my sweet girls name to acknowledged fearlessly ♥️


Thank you for desiring to ove your friend well. We are all grateful for you.