Last week I shared a few of my favorite verses that I clung to in the days following my son’s death.
“I opened God’s Word over and over and over, not because my belief was strong, rather I searched God’s Word for hope because my faith was weak, gone even. I opened God’s Word to believe again.“
My faith was not strong. In fact I was desperate. Maybe you are desperate too. Maybe you are so broken and so hurt by God that you can’t even open the Bible. And the thought of praying feels beyond impossible.
God knows. And He isn’t angry or disappointed. He doesn’t love you less. And He doesn’t leave you alone to figure it out.
Renown theologian, preacher, teacher, and author Charles Spurgeon, a man who loved God deeply and suffered greatly once said:
“The very sight of the Bible made me cry. I could only keep alone in the garden and I was heavy and sad, for people had been killed in the accident and there I was, half dead myself.
And I remember how I got back my comfort and I preached on the Sabbath after I recovered. I had been walking round the garden and I was standing under a tree. If it is there now, I should know it and I remember these words: “Him God has exalted to His right hand to be Prince and Savior.” (Acts 5:31)
Oh, I thought to myself, I am only a common soldier. If I die in a ditch, I do not care. The King is honored. He wins the victory.” “Honey In The Mouth” Sermon 2213
In the midst of deep agony Spurgeon, a man who revered God and had seemingly unshakeable faith, remembers a moment when the mere sight of God’s Word made his heart ache. And yet, God still pursued him in that moment. God spoke to his heart and reminded Him of truth — that in the end God wins. The victory is His. There will be a day when all this hurt will be healed and all the brokenness will be made new.
So, friend, if reading God’s Word feels too hard today, and praying feels impossible, know that even when you cannot pray, He is praying for you and interceding on your behalf (Hebrews 7:25) He is not angry with you, in fact His heart breaks alongside you (John 11:1-44, Psalm 56:8). He knows the pain and He loves you. And there will be a day when: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4