Real Women Give Real Answers About Navigating the Holidays After Pregnancy or Infant Loss
Real Women Answer the Questions:
What Would You Say to a Mama
Navigating the Holidays Amidst Grief?
Don’t feel that you have to do the holidays. Do as much as or as little as you want. They suck. Allow yourself to feel that they aren’t all blissful and happy.
Allow yourself to feel however you are feeling during the holiday season. Your feelings are valid. Participate in holiday festivities as much or as little as you want. Do what is best for YOU and your partner.
Allow yourself to feel all the emotions whatever that may look like. Don’t push yourself to do things you don’t want to, but also don’t feel guilty if you find yourself having fun. However you choose to grieve this holiday season is the right way for you!
Remember that only God knows what is best in your particular grief. Open your heart widely to Him and don't harden yourself to what He is speaking in this intensely hard season. Remember that there's really no right or wrong way to grieve. We are each on our own unique difficult journey's. But God remains steadfast & unchanging through it all.
We worry about gifting to others.. mom, dad, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces, nephews... they don’t expect it! Something small and inexpensive will suffice, or nothing at all. Don’t feel selfish taking care of yourself, this is YOUR time, accept that it’s okay to put yourself first. If you don’t want to go to a family event because you could be triggered by other pregnancies or babies, don’t go. Just take care of you, it’s the best gift you could give yourself.
Don’t attend events out of obligation and don't let anyone make you feel bad about not having the capacity to attend events; or even wanting to participate in any “holiday joy” activities like decorations or cooking, etc. Do what feels right for yourself. Also, if you do attend events, don’t feel like you can’t be honest about missing your child or pretending it doesn’t hurt. Lastly always have an exit plan before attending anything!
It's okay to not put on a brave face or for things to feel bittersweet, even. Decide what things are most important to you ahead of time, and then give yourself permission to let go of the rest!
Give yourself grace. Feel what you need to feel and don’t feel like you have to apologize for it.
Don’t push yourself to attend family or other social holiday events. And don’t let anyone make you feel obligated to go. They aren’t going through what you’re going through. Advocate for your own self care. Go away on a trip just you and your hubby or just celebrate at home with your household. Think about what your heart can handle, and do less than that.