The Simplest (and best) Way to Love a Grieving Mom + Introducing Care Cards

“Show up. And keep showing up.” These are words I hear often from moms who have experienced the loss of a baby when asked what advice they would give to someone who loves a grieving mom.

Because for a mom who has experienced pregnancy or infant loss she is experiencing an incredible amount of emotions and processing her new reality, all while feeling lonely and forgotten.

But showing up can be hard and can feel overwhelming right? As the friend you want the perfect words that can take the pain away. You want to fix all that has been broken and your inability to do so can often leave you paralyzed — not quite sure what to do.

What if I told you though that your simple text or phone call or unexpected gift drop-off is like a life-line for her? What if I told you that your simple effort and reaching out, while imperfect and unable to fully fix what has been broken, is the very thing she needs to take the next breath, and the next and the next.

I know how hard it can be to know what to say or what to do. And I know how difficult it can be to show up consistently.

The simple, tangible advice I would give for how to show up and show up consistently is this:

mark important dates on your calendar

Make note of anniversaries, birthdays, due dates, diagnosis dates, etc. And log those dates into your calendar. Set reminders so you don’t forget and do your best to show up on those days. And remember, showing up doesn’t mean having perfect words or perfect gifts — a simple text or phone call or card in the mail on those difficult days will legitimately be the difference between her feeling forgotten and her feeling loved. It really is difficult to put into words just how much a simple acknowledgement means to a grieving mom.

The First Year

The assumption can be that the first few weeks or first couple months following the loss of a baby can be difficult, but in reality the entire first year is really difficult. She will experience every holiday, every anniversary, her due date, her baby’s birthday, and all the difficult days in between knowing that her baby should be there — that someone is missing. She will relive the worst kind of anniversaries, the kind where she received a life-limiting diagnosis or the day she saw the ultrasound tech’s face go still and hear the words “I need to go get the doctor” or “there is no heartbeat.” She will relive the day she left the hospital with empty arms and the day she laid her baby to rest. The first year is full to the brim of reminders that her baby is no longer here. And with each difficult date the wound that may have begun to heal will be reopened.

And on those days she needs your simple reminder that you haven’t forgotten, that you care, that you remember, that you are praying.

introducing Care card sets

Care Card Sets can help you show up and show up consistently. Care Card Sets were created to help you love grieving moms. To give you a tangible way to show up every month during that first year. A set of 12 simple and beautiful cards, one for each month of the year. Intentional phrases written by loss moms for loss moms — when words fail, these cards will provide hope and a message of love.

The Care Cards are unique in their design — a flat postcard style card with space to write your own message but still perfectly meaningful even if you leave it blank. We know how overwhelming it can be to come up with words, so we wanted to give you the freedom to not have to. In addition to the cards themselves, each set will include a list of helpful phrases you can use should you want to.

P.S. For one week only, Care Card Sets are available for pre-order at a special discounted rate!