Wisdom & Hope For Grieving Fathers after Two Baby Losses | Q & A with Rodney Noel
Tell us about your loss.
We experienced two losses due to a condition called incompetent cervix. The losses occurred during week 19 of the first pregnancy and week 16 of the second pregnancy. The condition was only realized after the second loss. Both are boys whose names are Nehemiah David Noel and Elijah Jonathan Noel.
What surprised you most about grief?
The body seems to remember dates often before you do. There were times where we both experienced grief and thought it was at random that is until we looked at the calendar.
What has marriage and grief looked like for you? What advice would you give to a grieving couple?
By God's providence, we never grieved (with crying/weeping) at the same time. God, allowed it that way to assure that the one who is weak is cared for by the other.
ADVICE: Be tender, be patient, and be present. Recognize that both of you will grieve differently and that's okay. Give each other grace. This is what marriage and grief have looked like for us.
What resources have been the most encouraging or helpful to you amidst your grief?
My wife and I both decided to go to counseling. Our grief counselor was great at helping us process and navigate through our grief journey.
Besides counseling, I’ve gained most of my encouragement from the Scriptures.
Are there any bible verses that have been a source of encouragement or comfort?
Though he slay me, I will hope in him;
— Job 13:15
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
— Romans 8:18
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
— Romans 8:28
The Lazarus story where Jesus wept even though he knew that He would raise Lazarus from the dead. If He can weep over the death of a person whom He knew He would raise, certainly He sympathizes and weeps with me.
What was the most meaningful thing done for you amidst loss?
When people would check on me specifically, I would greatly appreciate it. It’s well appreciated simply because most of the attention typically goes to the grieving mother. But when people reach out to me, it lets me know that I am loved and that people know that I grieve too.
What advice would you give to someone who loves a grieving dad?
Don't ever view his grief as being less than the mother's grief. Rather take his grief just as seriously even though it might look different.
What encouragement would you give to another dad who is grieving?
Do not suppress your grief. It is okay to be vulnerable. Give yourself grace, space, and time to grieve.
Do you know a bereaved father?
Check out this Father’s Day Gift Guide for the Grieving Father
free father’s day card
+ tell us where to send it
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+ trim & fold
+ give to your baby’s father
