One Year.
(Originally Posted November 15, 2009)
I have so many things I could say about today... but the words, unlike the tears, are not coming so easily.I am overwhelmed by your love and unending support. I have been changed by seeing you demonstrate Christ's love to me and my family. I have been receiving messages from so many of all you week... I had messages all through the night, letting me know that you were praying that I sleep peacefully. You have sent cards and gifts. You have left me messages that remind me that we are not alone in our pain today or any other day... you reminded me that the Bible says "And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it..." 1 Corinthians 13:26.And I thank you. God is using you to help us heal.This morning as I read my Bible I wept. I had a hard time seeing the words through the tears. But God used His Word to speak to me, to remind me that today is truly a day of rejoicing because my son who died one year ago today, LIVES.My heart is of course broken. I miss my son... I yearn for him to be here and to watch him grow. I ache to hold him. But I am assured that he is living and that one day I will see him again.Yesterday, November 14 marked the last day one year ago I would see my son alive and healthy. It was a special day... and I will always remember it with a smile. We spent the day doing ministry at the church, preparing for the new series that would start that following Sunday. Aaden bounced away as I painted huge canvases... it was a beautiful fall day and he sat outside with us. It was in fact a perfect day. God truly blessed us by giving us such a perfect day and beautiful memory of our son.November 15 marks the day that changed our lives forever. We would never be the same.I have this vivid image of Jesus holding me as I slept that night, weeping over me. He knew... and He held us close to Him allowing us a few more hours of peace before the pain.And I see Him holding me in the preceding sleepless night. He brings all comfort, all peace... and all joy, even through the pain.I have prayed that God will forever remove the last memories I have of my son, Aaden. I knew when I saw first saw him that morning that he was gone. Death had already began to take a toll on his precious little body. And as Aaron and then the rescue workers tried to revive him I ran from the room. I knew he was gone and I didn't want that to be the last memory of him. I wonder if I had had more faith in my huge God, the Healer... would Aaden be here now?At the hospital so many of you came and sat and wept with us and prayed with us. I remember hearing Drew in the waiting room saying 'Oh no' over and over... he instinctively knew something was wrong. I walked out of that hospital that day without my son. It's strange how you really do just want to die too... but that your body keeps going. I found myself surprised that my legs still worked and that I could walk out of the hospital where my son now lay lifeless.I still miss Aaden just as much today as I did yesterday and the day before... the pain does not go away or really get any less. But God gives you the perfect strength to go on and He begins to heal you and make you new... stronger.Today I am broken. I am reminded of God's sacrifice of His only son.... and the pain that He felt for us. I am reminded that with great sacrifice comes great things. God has used Aaden's sweet little life to change the world... and change the lives, the eternities of so many.
I thank you Lord for Aaden. I thank you for allowing Aaron and I to be his mom and dad. I thank you for the beautiful life that he lived and how you let us be a part of it... thank You for the memories. I pray that you will work in us today to give us strength. I pray that you will use us to grow Your kingdom. Thank you Lord for providing unending grace and mercy.
To Aaden"A mother held her new baby andvery slowly rocked him back and forth,back and forth, back and forth.And while she held him, she sang:I'll love you forever,I'll like you for always,As long as I'm livingmy baby you'll be."Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch