30+ Women Share How to Honor Your Baby on the Anniversary of their Death & Other Special Dates
ARTICLE BY THE JOYFUL MOURNING COMMUNITY
When you’re facing important milestone days like due dates, anniversaries of your baby’s death, birthdays of a baby in Heaven, and even anniversary of other important dates like diagnoses days or significant moments of your baby’s life, it can feel overwhelming and daunting.
We asked grieving moms - real women who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss - what their favorite ways are to celebrate or honor their baby after they died. 30+ women answered. Here’s Part II about how to honor your baby on the anniversary of their death or other special days.
Ways to honor your baby on the anniversary of their death:
I had a 2nd trimester loss for my first and only pregnancy. On his heavenly birthday, I order the same floral bouquet we had for his memorial. The smell of the roses and lilies is the absolute best smell and gives me so much comfort remembering my baby. And the visual of the beautiful flowers overwhelm me with love! - Megan
I have had two second trimester losses (June and Jack). On the dates we lost them, we paint rocks and/or pieces of wood to honor them, then go on a walk in nature and leave one somewhere for others to enjoy. The other rocks and wood pieces, we use to decorate their garden area in our yard. - Stephanie
We honor two days for our sweet Ella. She was born still at almost 35 weeks after battling a rare heart disorder. The day before her heart stopped beating I was making pies with my sister. I also try to make a pie on one of her milestone days and deliver it to someone who might need a little extra love. - Bonnie
On his heaven day we do something together as a family. Last year we went to the beach and this year I think we’re going to an amusement park. We want to celebrate his healing. - Katie
I have a memorial candle for him that I light on special days. I also bought a white balloon for him on his heaven day, and took pictures with some of his little things. - Sussanna
Other ways to celebrate your baby on special days:
I will plan ahead and write down what I want to do and what I want to eat. Not to have a perfect day, but to have options and something to look forward to. It’s some form of a favorite meal we had during the pregnancy. I also go to my favorite neighborhood lake, bring baby (in the urn) and enjoy fresh air. It’s just me doing all this since baby’s father and I are not together anymore. I’ve been fortunate to be able to take off work every momentous day so far. I will also honor baby on Mother’s Day and Christmas in special ways. - Megan
I am sure to let lots of people know his birthday is coming up and I have so far, posted on Instagram a photo and message about him on his birthday. - Lauren
For her first "Eloise Days" (honoring the three days she lived before dying from Trisomy 18 complications), it was meaningful to have lovely touches around us, which reminded us strongly of her. That meant real flowers (roses specifically) and other floral and pink/rose gold decor. Little touches that made the weekend feel distinct. - Shanae
I got a candle made at Yankee Candle with a label with his picture. We burn it whenever we miss him extra hard but also on those special days. Someone once told me about the life in a flame, the way it jumps around and sparkles, being a special way to remember the life of their little one. That really resonated with me. - Rebecca
Me and my family like to visit her grave on holidays and special dates, we clean it and decorate with flowers. We pick a different color each time - we did white for Christmas, Yellow for NYE and Pink for Valentine’s and I buy the same kind to have at home too. It makes me feel closer to her. - Fernanda
So far my favorite way to honor him is to sing hymns. Last year both my husband's family and my family gathered together (they traveled seven hours for this) to sing hymns with us, and I ended up going into labor as we finished. So a few weeks ago on Gabriel’s heaven day, our families gathered again to sing with us, and I appreciated it so much. - Sussanna
We honor Georgia by talking of her often, sharing her story with others, leaving space for her as our daughter and member of our family, including her in holidays, working in her memorial garden, and in the future we will be celebrating her birthday with family and friends! - Tori
I enjoy my daily ritual of picking out jewelry special to my daughter. It feels like my time to briefly tend to her in a small way. - Shanae
Making it a point to wake up and drive to the beach to see the sunrise. - B.
I eat the food I craved most while pregnant with her. - E.
Bagels, coffee and a lantern launch is our celebration.
I really love to just be with nature, find new gardens to go to and visit. Makes me feel really close to them. M.
Some years we have done something symbolic- a balloon release, and more recently a more environmentally friendly release of flowers into the water. - Lauren
We haven't yet reached her one year milestones but I do honor her monthly on these days since I would have been taking pictures of her and writing about her milestones if she were earth-side. We dedicated a park bench in her honor right by a playground and we go there to sit, sometimes I got alone. I leave something on the bench like flowers or a balloon. On her birthdays I plan to leave a box of toys for other kids to take and play with. - Bonnie
Encouragement for you as you plan to honor or celebrate your baby:
Some months I don't feel up to doing anything special other than sitting quietly and thinking about her. At first I felt guilty about this (and still sometimes do) but over the past months I've tried hard to be gentle with myself and do what feels right in the moment. I know that Ella wouldn't want me to feel pressure or stress as I'm trying to honor her. These days can feel quite heavy so I try my best to lean into the love and try to feel her near. - Bonnie
One last note.
We wanted to remind you that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate and honor your baby. No matter how briefly you carried your baby or how many memories you have or don’t have with your baby, you can honor and celebrate them in whatever way feels right to you. Whether you prepare a large celebration or barely acknowledge the day, your baby is still immensely loved and not forgotten.
Join Our Free Community
to ask & hear answers to questions just like this from grieving women just like you.