Navigating Birthdays, Anniversaries & Everyday Milestones | Honoring & Celebrating Your Baby after Baby Loss | Episode 156 with Chelsea Spoelker

Episode 156

Today Chelsea Spoelker joins me to share the story of her daughter Stella and how this short, but incredibly powerful life changed hers forever. Stella was born with Trisomy 18, a life-limiting diagnosis and lived for 39 days. Chelsea shares with me how, through Stella’s life, she learned to celebrate each day like it was her last. She began that journey of celebrating and honoring her life while she was pregnant and each day, each milestone after she was born. Since Stella’s death Chelsea has learned what it looks like practically to parent and celebrate and honor a child that has died and today she is sharing all of that with you.

Navigating milestones, celebrating birthdays, knowing how to honor the anniversary of your baby’s death, or knowing how to honor your baby on holidays or even in the everyday is incredibly challenging; those dates often feel impossible, but this conversation will help, reminding you that you aren’t alone in this and giving you practical ideas for what navigating milestones could look like.

While this conversation specifically centered navigating milestones and celebrating and honoring our babies, Chelsea also shared what it was like to make the decision to carry Stella to term when her medical team was advising to end the pregnancy, the very drastic steps she and her husband took to seek out medical care where they felt supported, how she and her husband navigate milestones differently and something that all loss moms can identify with – regret. Chelsea opens up about all of that and more.

And toward the end of the episode Chelsea gave a simple but powerful encouragement when she said: “figure out what works for you, what feels right for you and honor that, do that.” I loved the encouragement to do milestones in any way that feels right for you.

QUESTIONS we discuss IN EPISODE 156

To the mom that doesn’t know where to start in regards to celebrating and honoring her baby, what would you say to her?
What would you say to a mom who has ideas in mind about ways she would like to celebrate her baby but she is worried what others will think of her?
What surprised you on this journey specifically in regards to navigating milestones and important days?
What would you say to the woman listening who does not want to celebrate these big milestones and anniversaries?
What do you think is the biggest challenge a mom faces in celebrating or honoring her baby or just navigating important dates and milestones that may not be as obvious as a birthday or anniversary of their death?
Would you share with us ideas for ways to honor and celebrate our babies on milestone dates and birthdays, due dates or anniversaries?
What advice would you give to a mom with living children about how to involve them in honoring or celebrating their baby’s birthday?
Do you and your husband want to celebrate these days the same? Differently? How do you work through that when you’re on different pages as parents?
How do you care for yourself leading up to these dates or in these seasons?
Are there any special rituals you do to celebrate in your own heart?
How do you know whether to include others or not in your important dates?

MEET CHELSEA

Hello! I'm Chelsea. I'm a mama of 3 - 2 earth side and 1 in Heaven. Our daughter Stella was born with Trisomy 18 which is a life-limiting diagnosis. Stella lived for 39 beautiful days. During her short life, she taught us to celebrate each day like it's our last. Since her passing, we have learned how to parent and love her from here which includes celebrating and honoring her life in every way we can. We've learned that the veil between Heaven and Earth is so thin and feel Stella in everything.

We started The Stella Effect to continue loving and advocating for children with Trisomy 18 and 13. We do this through celebrating their birthdays, financially helping families through moving for fair care, and spreading awareness about T18/13. We launched The Stella Effect with our first birthday in December of 2021 and have since celebrated or are in the process of celebrating 12 more living and angel babies. This has been an honor of a lifetime for my husband, Doug, and me.

I'm currently getting my Master's in Counseling and graduate in April 2022 and Doug is a sustainability consultant with Schneider Electric. There's nothing we enjoy more than spending quality time with our families, traveling, going to University of Louisville games or an amazing musical and a good glass of wine, and of course, loving on our Stella girl and her sisters.