Infertility, Loss & Lament After 2nd Trimester Loss | Episode 198 with MaryEsther Caldwell

Episode 198

Listen in to hear an honest conversation about infertility, loss, and lament from MaryEsther Caldwell. During our time together MaryEsther shares honestly about what it was like to navigate infertility, and then to experience a miraculous pregnancy only to unexpectedly lose her daughter Magnolia Jubilee at 22 weeks.

We talk about the challenges of grief and what surprised her and what she wished others understood about infertility and loss and the grief of both. About this she says:

“I am just aware on a really deep level that I may never be pregnant again. I have to really deal with the question of, is God good if I never have any more children? If I never get to raise and mother a child here, is God still good? And I think the harder question for me actually is, will my life still be meaningful? Will I still have any joy in my life if this doesn't happen?”

Then we spend some time talking about what it means to lament, what is lament, what she means by ‘grief visibility’ in the church and how we can do better serving those who are grieving within the space of corporate worship. MaryEsther had a few really helpful resource recommendations for us on this topic of lament in our grief and we have included links to all those below so make sure to check those out.

Lastly, we talk about friendships after loss and what it looked like for her to navigate friendship and wisdom she has for those who are newly grieving navigating that aspect of life after loss. About this she says:

“friendship has always been really important to me. I think through this, especially in the beginning and even a little now, it's been really hard for me to go from being the person who was always there for other people, to a person who desperately needed to rely on others.”

QUESTIONS WE DISCUSS

Tell me how your infertility journey before and after your loss has impacted your grief?
What do you wish others understood about infertility and loss and the grief of both?
What has been the most challenging aspect of this journey?
What has been helpful to you as you navigated those challenges?
You shared with me it’s important to you to advocate for grief visibility and corporate lament in your church community – tell me more about that.
What is lament, why is it important for a grieving mom and what has that practically looked like for you in this season?
You mentioned to me that one way to steward grief well is by helping others enter into lament. Tell me more about that.
What has it looked like to navigate friendships after losing your daughter – what are some ways that you have found to build a community to walk beside you through your grief?
What would you tell another grieving mom about setting expectations with friends who don't know how to interact with grief?

Resources for Lament

Books:

Music:

Lamentations by The Porter's Gate
State of the Union by Amanda Cook
Sorrow's Got a Hold On Me by Paul Zach
All My Questions by Bethany Barnard
City Alight

TV:

The Chosen

Meet maryesther

I am a loss mom living in New York City with my husband, Jared, where we own a restaurant. We have been through more than 7 years of unexplained infertility. I got pregnant in December 2021 for the first time, only to lose our daughter, Magnolia Jubilee, just shy of 23 weeks due to a complication that remains unclear even now.

Website: funeralflowers.me/

Connect with MaryEsther on Instagram: @preciousflowers