Celebrating Our Baby in Heaven During the Holidays | Encouragement and Ideas for the Grieving Mom

by Marisa Baese

The holidays are full of cheer and busy-everything, which naturally increases excitement, energy, and maybe even stress. That extra buzz can be difficult to handle when you are missing someone during the holidays. We have heard that grief is “love with nowhere to go,” and while those words resonate deeply with me, I have found various ways to give love to my daughter during the holiday season, even while she is apart from us in Heaven.

Our daughter was born on August 15th and gained her angel wings on October 2nd. Before her existence, Autumn was easily my favorite season. The changing of the leaves, sweater weather, and pumpkin spice everything stirred my soul in the best of ways. Now, I have the mixed emotions of grief as both/and, meaning I feel both excited and anxious, happy and sad.

In the first year after she passed away, my bottled-up love with nowhere to go came out in panic attacks and perfectionism. I could not control much of her life, and I struggled to control anything else after. Through the desire to find control, I came to find ways to honor her while also sharing my love for the transitional season I enjoy so much.

The day we said goodbye to the NICU staff, we gave out small, white pumpkins to each nurse, in memory of our girl. “Cinderella pumpkins” as they are called, found a special place in our hearts. Each year since, we pick out a white pumpkin for her. This has become a great way to include her in our favorite family activity.

In all the connections we made after our time with her here on Earth, we found several organizations dedicated to personalized mementos for bereaved parents. It takes time to heal and get to a place where even wanting some of these items feels good or right. Just last year we finally had a special leaf painted with her name on it, which we framed and will put out every year during the fall. This is another forever way to include her in our favorite season.

After the colorful leaves turn to crunchy crumbles and blankets of snow start covering the ground, our home glows red and green. While the first winter following her death was a bit of a blur, we have since found ways for her to enjoy the magic of Christmas with us. Even though her life began and ended before any winter holiday, we took our time to find the perfect Christmas stocking for her. Looking at our family’s stockings, hung with care, the view would not be complete without hers.

Once again, the both/and feelings are strong during this emotional holiday, as we know that her stocking will never be filled the same way her brother’s is. Yet, time has given us the gift to breathe through the difficult moments, and relish in the love that she gave us, and continues to bring us. An ornament shaped picture frame sits on a shelf between tiny pink bottle brush trees and a simple green cardboard tree, edges lined with glitter – a sparkle of a moment and space dedicated to her.

The unseen fourth member of our family can bring a sting when standing in line to see Santa or wrapping gifts for all but one. Even still, we capture and cling to the joyful moments of bright smiles and eyes beaming with wonder. We carry her with us in our hearts and minds, everywhere we go. We lean on our son when his faith is stronger than ours. At only 5 years young, he includes his sister by visiting her pictures all around our home, picking out beautiful gifts that he thinks she would like, and telling people about his angel. The gift of her love cannot fit into her snow bunny Christmas stocking nor is there enough wrapping paper in the world to contain it. No, her love does not fit under the greatest tree in the largest forest yet surrounds us every day and is the warmest hug during the hardest times.

In seasons that include all the feelings and all the emotions, allow grace to be with you. Just as we cannot imagine the mindset of Mary, giving birth to the Savior, nonetheless, next to a donkey, we need not understand His plan. We instead take comfort in knowing He has the reins. Let the holiday warmth envelop you and your loved ones, near and far, on Earth and in Heaven. Together is the best place to be, and their love is ever present.

“For to us a child is born; And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6.

Let peace enter your home this holiday season and each one thereafter, knowing that the love you have for your child is the same as His everlasting love for us.

Meet the Author: Marisa Baese

My husband and I welcomed our daughter, Anabel, into our lives on August 15th, 2015. She was born with a severe heart defect, HLHS, which we learned about at our 20 week ultrasound - the remaining half of my pregnancy was full of uncertainty and we prayed for guidance and kept the hope in being able to meet her. Meet her we did, Anabel stayed with us for 48 days, and while she never left the NICU, her story reached across the states through prayer and sharing. She has given us the best kind of love we never expected.

Connect with Marissa: Instagram @thecrazybaese