"I felt abandoned by God." Navigating Faith After Baby Loss | Episode 132 with Kristin Hernandez

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Episode 132

Over the past 4 weeks we have been talking specifically about navigating faith after the loss of a baby, asking hard questions about God and what the Bible has to say about our loss because if you are anything like me you have asked those questions before, maybe not out loud for fear of judgment but in the quiet private corners of your own mind. Questions like Why did God allow this to happen? Did I do something wrong to deserve this? How can I trust a God who would let this happen? This series of conversations is incredibly needed and it has been a privilege to discuss these hard, but important questions.

In this final episode of this series on faith after loss, I have the privilege of interviewing Kristin Hernandez, author of the book Sunlight in December, A Mother’s Story of Finding the Goodness of God in the Storm of Grief. Kristin’s motherhood journey has been wrought with loss and she enters into this conversation with incredible tenderness and empathy -- as a grieving mom who has spent time wrestling with God, searching for answers, for truth and for hope.

Kristin shares her motherhood journey with us and what her spiritual walk looked like amidst her losses and after. She talks about misconceptions about what it means to be a strong christian who is grieving and what it looks like when God doesn’t answer our prayers in the way we want Him to. And I loved when Kristin said “I can trust and believe what the Bible says, even when I don’t feel it.”

This conversation is for anyone who knows and loves God and is walking with Him. It’s for the woman who is really wrestling in her faith right now. It’s also for the woman who isn’t quite sure what the Christian faith is all about and maybe you are looking for answers or just want to learn more -- this is a great place to start. And lastly, if you love a grieving mom, this would be a really, really great conversation to listen to in regards to better understanding what a grieving mom is experiencing as she navigates her faith journey.

Kristin and I do our best to bring the truth of scripture into these hard, difficult spaces but I am certain that there is more that could be said and additional conversation that would be potentially helpful. One of the best things I would recommend is to come join us in our free community -- a safe space where you are free to wrestle through your questions, anger, sadness, confusion and hurt. Find out more about our free community by heading to themorning.com/community. I can’t wait to meet you there and talk about these things with you.

And lastly, we have pulled together our favorite free resources for navigating faith after the loss of a baby including a free 7 day devotional. Check out those resources at themorning.com/faith.

QUESTIONS we discuss IN EPISODE 132

You wrote in your book Sunlight in December: “What you and I are promised is suffering--and that God would never leave us or forsake us through any of it.” Let’s talk about that -- Why does suffering exist? What is God’s role in our suffering? Did He plan it or allow it?
How would you answer the question: Is God good?
1. What would you say to the woman who is struggling to believe that God is good?
What are some misconceptions about faith and what it means to be a strong believer?
Let’s talk about what it looks like to wrestle with our faith and with God. You wrote these words: “While I think it can be both healthy and intimate to wrestle with God (and encourage believers to engage in the process of wrestling, rather than just trying to stuff questions down), helpful wrestling comes from a posture of leaning in, not pulling back. Leaning in with questions. Leaning in with difficult emotions. Leaning in even with anger. Engaging, gripping on, wrestling instead of running.”
1. Tell me how wrestling is different than completely walking away.
2. What does it mean to wrestle well and how do we do that?
You have written extensively about the cliche things Christians say to one another in the wake of suffering and loss, why are those sorts of phrases and platitudes dangerous and unhelpful? Give me a couple of examples of ones that are scripturally inaccurate or especially unhelpful.
1. How do we respond when those things are said to us?
You wrote this: “It’s OK (and even glorifying to God) to lament and grieve over death and brokenness. Yet so many of us are so prone to glossing over and, as Pete put it, “rushing the resurrection.” It doesn’t feel good to mourn the grave. But we can mourn the grave and acknowledge the Holy Saturday-ness of it all. We have an intentional space provided by God to reflect and grieve. There is no need to rush through the space or squeeze it full with platitudes or distractions.” Tell me more about that.
Is our suffering a result of something we have done wrong? Did we lose our babies because God is punishing some former sin?

Meet Kristin

Kristin is a writer, podcaster, and mother to six children––one in her arms and five with Jesus. She is the author of Sunlight in December: A Mother's Story of Finding the Goodness of God in the Storm of Grief and the cohost of the Through the Lens Podcast. Kristin has walked through infertility, miscarriages, and the loss of an infant, and is passionate about sharing hope with grieving women. She enjoys sunny days outside with family, connecting with friends over coffee, roller coasters, and telling others about Jesus' goodness in the midst of suffering. Kristin lives in Southern California with her husband and living son.