Parenting Living Children Amidst & After a Life-Limiting Diagnosis (Trisomy 18) + Marriage + When There is No Rainbow Baby | Episode 128 with Kelly Griffin

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Episode 128

Kelly Griffin joins me on the podcast to share the story of her son Reeves who was given a life-limiting diagnosis of trisomy 18. Kelly shares with me what it was like receiving a life-limiting diagnosis and what advice and wisdom she would give to a mom who has received a similar diagnosis. We cover a lot of topics about life after loss and even life amidst anticipatory grief in this episode as well.

Kelly shares her experience and wisdom about parenting living children amidst a life-limiting diagnosis and after the loss of a baby -- Kelly shares how she explained to them her son’s diagnosis, what it was like to walk with them as they grieved the loss of a sibling, why she chose to invite them into the grief in the ways she did. Her wisdom on this is incredibly helpful and very honest.

We also talk extensively about marriage amidst anticipatory grief and after the loss of a baby -- the wisdom she shares about this is insightful and challenging and wonderfully practical and of course full of so much hope.

We also spend some time talking about a topic that we haven’t talked about very much on this podcast and something that is still very tender for Kelly and that is what if you do not go on to have a living baby after you have lost a baby -- Kelly talks honestly about what that has looked like for her and she addresses how our culture puts a lot of hope in the idea of a healthy living child after the loss of a baby, a rainbow baby; emphasis put on how a new baby will be our redemption, our healing -- she talks directly to that and to the woman who is experiencing that reality. The hope that Kelly shares here is invaluable and even if you go on to have living children after the loss of a baby, this hope, this truth is for you too.

QUESTIONS we discuss IN EPISODE 128

What would you say to a woman who has just received a life-limiting diagnosis? What do you wish someone would have said to you?
What was it like to walk your living children through that season while your heart was also breaking?
How did you talk to them? How did you explain what was happening?
What advice would you give to a mom about parenting while grieving?
Let’s talk about marriage -- you wrote these words in our Joyful Mourning Community: “I think the hardest thing that I came to realize a couple of months after our son’s death is that because we were grieving the same person/relationship, we couldn’t be a strong support for each other because we were both broken.... because we both lost our child, we were hurting in the same ways. And the pain was just as deep for both of us though it may have been displayed differently… We were both trying to survive and just hanging on for dear life and didn’t have a lot left to give to help the other person… ” Tell me more about that.
I want to talk about what happens when your family is complete but that includes a baby in heaven instead of here on earth, meaning when you have made the decision to not have any more children -- you said: “It hurts so deeply and feels like an awful way to end what was otherwise a joyful childbearing season.” Tell me more about that.
Our culture puts a lot of hope in the idea of a healthy living child after the loss of a baby, a rainbow baby; emphasis put on how a new baby will be our redemption, our healing — what would you say to a mom who is in a place where that is not possible?
How do you respond to people who ask you if you’re going to have more (or who make comments implying you should or that’s where your joy will come)?

MEET KELLY

Hi I’m Kelly.

In November 2019, we were ecstatic to find out that we were pregnant with our 4th child. However, it started rocky with low progesterone, followed by the appearance of choroid plexus cyst at our anatomy scan. At a follow up sono, they also found a heart defect and less than 2 weeks later, our world was shattered by a Trisomy 18 diagnosis at 25 weeks. We began weekly doctor visits to our MFM and on July 2, we delivered our precious boy, Reeves Joshua Griffin, via an unplanned c section. While we had been told we may have just a few short hours with Reeves, the Lord blessed us with 2.5 amazing days with him. Reeves met his Creator the morning of July 5 and the best day of his life became the worst one of mine. Since that time, our family has been grieving and healing as we rely on the Lord for all of our needs. He was so present and faithful during our pregnancy and Reeves' short life and continues to draw near as we navigate life without our precious son.

Much more of our story is documented in the blog I kept. We share of God's faithfulness to us in the darkest season of our lives.

Read Kelly's Blog